Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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