A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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