its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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