u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
