How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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