I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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