Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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