so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
