guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize