The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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