I wanna bring you to show and tell
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
