ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
