My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
