so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
