Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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