Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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