Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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