dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
