believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize