u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's get the cat blown out
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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