one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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