just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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