My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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