He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
