my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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