I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
