Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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