I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
