I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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