Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize