Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pants are for mortals
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