dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
