The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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