tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
