He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
