hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
