I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
