It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
