They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize