i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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