the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize