i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize