I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
