I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
