bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize