Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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