you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
