im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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