Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
