Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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