she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
