Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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