how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
