He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
