Having a random hookup so left but love u
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
