awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
