Cold hands, warm shart.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
