She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize