she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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