just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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