She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
