Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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