i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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