Can Purell be used as lube?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
