Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
