Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
