I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
