Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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