its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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