Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize