Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have to summon your inner elephant
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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