new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
