honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
