omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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