What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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