I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
