dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
