I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
