I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
