How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
