shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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