If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
