her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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