i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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