Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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