I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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