hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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