quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize