as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
