My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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