I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
