Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
