I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
