In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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